Remembering...(Warning: Sad)

In June Pat, a close friend at church, was diagnosed with cancer. On July 1st I got a call to start the prayer chain because Pat had taken a bad turn and would likely not be with us much longer. I wrote the following on July 4th. Please just take it for what it is, the ramblings of a sad friend.



How many times are we reminded to tell those we love how much we love them? It never seems enough. I tell my children everyday how much I love them and how they impress me. Ok, I also tell them that I don't appreciate their attitudes and I would rather not beg for help, but that's just being a mom. I also tell my husband many times a day that I love him. He's on the road much of the time and we talk often so sometimes it seems like just a good way to get off the phone, but I want him to know that in case something ever happens. I don't want to leave anything unsaid if I can help it.

About a month ago I found out that one of my close friends, Pat, had cancer. Everyone was upset. From then on I always made a special point of seeking her out when we were in the same place and giving her a hug and telling her I love her and seeing how she was doing. The doctors said she would possibly have about 6 months. So I though I had 5 more months of hugs and I love yous before I had to say goodbye.

I was very wrong. Last Sunday Pat took a turn and may not make it through the week. I didn't take the news very well. I was angry. Ok, I know intellectually and deep down that she is in God's hands and that He has a reason for His timing. I guess I felt cheated, I still do. I have accepted that God has a plan and that all things work to His good. I'm still sad to think of never seeing Pat's smiling face or hearing one of her outrageous comments meant to get a rise out of someone. I think she's the only one I would allow to call me "baby maker" or make comments about me working single-handedly to repopulate the church with young children. That was who she was and I loved her for it. She even made Trevor, the big tough Truck Driver blush.

I've never actually waited for someone to die. Right now Pat is not herself. She is very confused and has to be watched constantly in case she gets up and does something that can injure her or someone else. Luckily Hospice is helping Pat stay at home. Pat will be sedated most of the time until God decides he wants her back.

I'm sure gonna miss this woman. I'm just glad that we were able to have a little time for me to tell her I love her and for her to reassure me that she was ready to accept God's will. It's like she knew that I needed her jokes and wisdom to get through the time without her.

I dread the call that I know will come. I will cry some more but not for long because Pat would rather that I just go out and share the love that she shared with me the few years we knew each other.

Pat, I pray that God is holding your hand right now and that Jim can feel God's love as well as all of ours. Oh, and please give a message to the other Pat. I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her before she left so suddenly. Tell her I love her and miss her still. I hope you will remember how many of us love you. We will miss you and remember you lovingly.

Goodbye, Pat, I love you!


Pat went to walk with the Lord early in the morning on July 6, 2007.